LONG WAY DOWN: With student poems and new added questions for last 80 pages!I

   

This spring my freshmen classes read LONG WAY DOWN by Jason Reynolds. We had read MOCKINGBIRD early in the semester, and even though Lee's novel is powerful, I wanted to include a full-length text (this one a collection of poems) written by a contemporary author of color. If you haven't read it, Will, the fifteen-year-old protagonist living in the inner city, is faced with a dilemma when his older brother (his hero) is shot. Will knows there are three rules: Don't cry. Don't snitch. Get revenge. Although Will is a reflective, sweet kid, he gets his brother's gun from his drawer and heads off to kill who he thinks killed his Shawn. Half the text is a long elevator ride with familiar ghosts who offer perspectives on violence. It's powerful. (Shout out to my sister Jill, a retired math teacher, for the recommendation!)

I saved LONG WAY DOWN for the almost end of the semester--right in the midst of our final poetry unit. We only had thirty copies, so we read it during class. I read some aloud; they read some of it aloud, and I let them read some on their own. Overall, they really liked it! Below are some of their comments. Following their comments, however, are poems the students wrote one day during class. Their poetry could just be in Reynold's style, echo one of the themes, or offer a continuation of the plot.  DEMOGRAPHIC: My suburban Iowa freshmen clientele this year were mostly a bunch of white kids. Out of about 50, I had three students of color.

HERE ARE SOME KIDS' RESPONSES!

"I like how it showed the cycle of revenge. Also, I feel it shows how people handle grief. Overall it is a great book with an unknown ending."

"The plot line was harsh, however it's a good change from what we we're usually reading."

"I liked how it was serious and interesting. I know a lot of other people liked it too.  I also like how it was overall formatted. It really just drags you in."

"Well, I don't really like poem books but it was cool that the elevator part all happened in 60 seconds."

"Plot-wise, I liked the themes of grief, revenge, and doubt."

"I disliked that it was dark, and the poetry style was odd."

"It gives a look into other peoples live that we might not experience. I think freshmen is a good level to read this because it is kind of an introduction to many real world problems."

"I feel it is a good quick introduction to poetry. It gives a very good view of what grief can look like, and feel like. "

HERE ARE SOME OF THEIR POEMS--we just took around 20 minutes in class at the end of the book to write these. 

Poem 1:

 Each step echoes with my brother's name.

A quiet promise thrums in my chest,
a pulse, steady and slow,
like the beating of the world before a storm.

Poem 2:

My hands are cold,
But my eyes burn with something
older than vengeance.

The night is thin,
hanging like a thread between worlds,
And I feel the weight of it,
The thin line
between me and the boy I once was.

Poem 3:

Riggs' apartment stands silent,
Like it knows what’s coming.

There’s no thrill in it,
only the hollow ache of knowing
that nothing will bring Shawn back.

_______________________________________

                                                           The 

                                                       Sky 

                                               Bleeds

                                           Gold,

                                                   The

                                                      Day 

                                                           Lets 

                                                                  Go,

                                                               As 

                                                    Twilight 

                                            Whispers 

                                      Soft 

                                  And 

                           Slow, 

                                    A 

                                        Fiery

                                               Kiss,

                                        The 

                                  Suns 

                       Goodbye, 

                                        It 

                                            Pains 

                                                      The 

                                                             World, 

                                                          Then 

                                              Fades 

                                        To

                                 Sigh. ]

_______________________________________________

THE ELEVATOR DOORS UNFOLD

As a black cloud of smoke emerged into the air

The others step around me

Leading the way

                             Out

Out of what felt like a nightmare

                             Almost

As if I never woke up that morning

And I had stayed in bed 

Eyes still fastened shut

I wish            that were true

If                   that were true

I could go along with my day

Like nothing

Ever

Happened

__________________________________________

SOME PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU

That the brain lives another

Seven minutes

After you 

                              Die

Replaying 

All of the best moments

In your life

Maybe that’s what’s happening to me

Maybe none of this is real

Maybe           I died there on the concrete

That same day

Lying next to 

                      Lifeless

                                                        Shawn

__________________________________________

And Then It Dropped

like when an elevator reaches its 0

the gears shifting down to their final level,

I step out of the smokebox

into the world of death,

it was time,

time that marked the death.

Not mine

but his.

Walking to the front,

loading the tail

aimed, shot, Crack!

It was a loaded bomb 

but one that’s already lit,

Death became my revenge,

Until it didn’t.

________________________________________

The walk

The walk home was cold and lonely,

As im walking a rain drop lands on my face

Drip 

Drip

Drip

I keep walking as I think about my choice, 

Was it right

Right

Right

Right

Right

Right

Right

Right

I turn the final corner on the way home

Head heavy,

Soaked from the rain,

Gun still in my waistband

Did I make the right choice?

Should I turn around and do it? 

As I think that I remember what Shawn would do

Mistakes last forever,

Choices are permanent,

I walk inside,

And put the gun down

--------------------------------------------------------

There was realization

I failed the task.

No bullet broke skin,

only regret.

It was too late,

death’s grasp was too strong.

Riggs caught me before I could catch him. 

No revenge could be settled,

only justice and a funeral could remember us:

Shawn & Me. 

WHAT NOW?

________________________________________

MY EARS WERE RINGING

from what I had heard over 

a hundred times.

I didn't feel it at first,

not until I stumbled 

to my knees.

I could feel something coming

out of my body,

red and hot,

seeping through Shawns 

oversized tee.

LOBBY!

So we got our scores...now what?

Hi! A lot of people viewed my post yesterday about waiting for scores and worrying about scores, caring too much about scores. So I thought I'd write a follow up. Only one student got a lower score than I think they assumed they'd get (or I thought they'd get). Though I am overall happy with their scores, this doesn't make anyone else reading this feel better and hopefully doesn't make anyone feel worse. 

It's not always this way. I remember the year of 2021. My AP Lit students are juniors and a few got 2's that really expected a higher score. It was back when they all wrote on paper and I remember one boy in particular had incredibly bad handwriting and he was a much better thinker than he was a writer. It was tough to face him (and a few others) who had gotten lower scores than they wanted when they came back in the fall for AP Lang which I also teach. This kid kept bringing up his "failure" in class and it made me so uncomfortable.  And, of course we want then all to pass. And we all know that there are kids for whom a 2 is a victory and that there are kids who will write, "Tell Mrs. Johnson I'm sorry, but I decided not to write this essay" at the top of Question 1 on the exam.

Someone who read my post yesterday on waiting for scores said that it reminded her why she doesn't look at AP Lang facebook for a couple weeks after the test: so many people are writing, "It's my FIRST year but I had 100% pass rate."  "I am so PROUD of my kiddos....everyone got a 4 or 5!" "I am SHOCKED...these are the highest scores ever in our school's history." (I didn't say any of those things, but I knew what she was getting at.)

If someone calls a happy poster out for "victory sharing" (because it feels kind of like sticking it to people whose scores did not "blow them away") then they are criticized by others for not "celebrating another person's success." I think we probably should always be happy for people who are happy about a victory. (I mean, schadenfreude is not the answer.) It just seems weird though, to post online about high scores knowing over half of the people you're writing to probably are not as elated as you are. Maybe instead you could tell your mom or your spouse or your curriculum director.  

I was a speech coach for several years and when a student who worked their a$$ off on an acting piece would get a II and not go on to state, they'd be crushed and I'd be crushed. Undoubtedly, putting ourselves out there, working really hard for something we want and then being disappointed is a crusher. It isn't fair. However, AP scores at least should not be public--your score won't be marked on butcher block paper in the cafeteria causing people to cheer or cry in front of their peers.

I teach at a pretty privileged public school. We're just north of a university (kind of an affluent suburb  heavy on college professors' and researchers' kids). There's definitely an academic vibe. Because of this, kids feel pressured to get "better than a 3." I feel that same pressure. But when I read online about people who work in rougher situations with struggling students, I remember that the privilege that worries me is still privilege. You really can't compare scores from school to school.

This year on the AP Lit facebook site Brian S. made kind of an official post where people could write about their scores. I thought that was a good idea.  I checked it out this am and didn't see anything too awkward there. If we're honest, when we read through those we are generally not looking for the opportunity to celebrate someone else's victory as much as the chance to feel a little less professionally alone.  

So anyway, I hope you feel ok about your scores! I hope you are proud of all those kids brave enough to take one of the toughest classes in the school  and then take this crazy test. If it was an off year, please don't be hard on yourself.  A woman once said to me, "We all just do what we can." It seemed a little resigned at the time, but she was trying to make me feel better for a SNAFU I had caused. It helped. I think that is pretty much true for most of us all the time.  If you are an AP teacher, you should feel good--it's a really hard academic position with extra work and extra stress and you're probably doing it because you're extra smart and want a challenge. I give you permission next time you are frustrated that someone posts something  about their surprisingly very high scores to write, "bite me."  Well, you have my permission, but I'd just think it instead of writing it.

Guru Susan Graves Barber on AP Lit facebook usually writes a helpful post for all of us the day the scores come out--thanks to Susan! 

OK, I hate waiting for AP scores. They're "externals" anyway.

This seems stupid. I have tried to look for the AP Lang and AP Lit scores TWICE already even though all evidence points to teacher and student access July 7. I haven't really been anxious about scores since the weeks before the exams. Why do I always get weirdly nervous in early July? I had coffee with my nephew today and he said a couple interesting things he heard about responding to things that bring anxiety: look at them but don't STARE at them, and invite them in for tea, but don't set them up in the guest bedroom.

So this is me looking so I don't stare. I do care about their scores--I know we're not supposed to as the learning is more important than the score and their situation the day of the test can make a score drop.  But I still seem to care. (I'm not proud of that.) Of course, the score they get does not change my impression of the student. Their work for 9 months in class is a way more valuable assessment of their skills than tricky multiple choice questions about a poem they've never seen OR writing a scholarly 40-minute essay on a poem they've never seen. I'm proud of them for taking the class and the exam. Also, many things non-academic are so much more important anyway.

Here's why I care: 

1. I want the kids to get the college credit they need (there's a lot of money on the line when you total it all up).

2. I want them to feel good about themselves--to feel like they are "smart."

3.  I want them to realize that hard work offers a nice pay off!

4.  I want them to be happy.

(The ones below are more selfish.)

5.   I will feel validated if the scores are strong--we work so hard, and it's nice to see you're teaching the right things...maybe.

6.  I worry about how it will affect how students feel about me as a teacher--did I prepare them well, let them down, give them a fair assessment of where they may land?

7. I worry a bit about the school's response to their scores (this is stupid as it would have no effect on my job, though some teachers are truly up against it).

_____________________

So, what am I going to do about these nerves about what is to come (tomorrow)? I am reading a book about Stoicism and the concept of applying those ideas to our lives: The Little Book of Stoic Wisdom by Joseph Piercy.  Anyway these are two helpful ideas...

1.  LET IT GO for heaven's sake. Seneca is quoted as saying, "Some things torment us more than they ought; some torment us before they ought; and some torment us when they ought not to torment us at all."  

Seneca also said in an epistle to Lucilius, "We suffer more often in imagination than reality."

Yes, this is certainly no reason for TORMENT.  And, am I actually suffering?  If so, that's a little worrisome.  (I am sure many people think I'm strange to write about this, but I can't be the only one who gets a little anxious...)

2.  IT'S JUST EXTERNAL ANYWAY. The Stoics are not emotionless, as is sometimes supposed. However, Epictetus believed that we should not give our future happiness or present attention to factors we cannot control (like weather, or a diagnosis, others' opinions, or some test results). "When we free our mind of the weight of external factors we are free to choose our happiness on our own terms" (Piercy 61).

 I am ready for some happiness on my own terms.

_________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, if you get a little wiggy about those scores about now, I guess you know you're not alone--an odd teacher in Iowa is overly curious, too. For sure, we know they all did what they could and the tests were read by people who did the best they could.  It's not a flawless system--plenty of externals to go around! I hope you are pleased and relieved when you see their scores--or if not pleased and relieved, at least fine.  I hope that most kids are proud of themselves and feel that whatever score they received is at least "adjacent" to what they feel they deserved. No one is going to cut off their feet if they get a 2. No one will organize a banquet in their honor if they get a 5. It was just a morning, a mark in time. Choose your happy, defuse  the externals, and encourage the students. It's not polite to stare anyway.

If you're not worried about scores, I do think that is the right attitude. Here's to perspective. :) 

Vulnerability in Our Writing: They're "open." Should we be?

Last spring I shared a post about a professional failure as an AP Lit reader 32 years ago--whoops.  When I first posted the story, it quickly got 600 views. I was surprised. But feeling awkward, I took it off within the first 24 hours. (The ol' post/unpost.)

     I softened it a bit and put it back up anyway, and "A Less Than Stellar Entry to AP Reading" is one of the top 4 of my 50+ blog essays. (It seems to have been more interesting to would-be readers than something on creative responses to Dickinson poetry or teaching freshmen how to summarize NYTIMES articles about reigniting mammoth DNA.) Anyway, it's a kind of a confessional piece about how I sucked as an AP Lit reader in my twenties (partly because I drank a lil' too much each night on the River Walk in San Antonio--and partly because I was just in over my head academically). Either way, I was literally fighting sleep during those eight-hour air-conditioned scoring sessions. I didn't get fired (thank God), but they  didn't ask me back the following year. Whoops. 

Anyway, the blog post brought me incredible fame (not). But I did wonder why it was a hit. I don't think others want us to screw up, but failures are intriguing. Vulnerability makes us uncomfortable for sure--even as readers, but if we can get past the second hand awkwardness, maybe we're just naturally curious about people's "not wins." 

Generally, I feel like being vulnerable in writing is ok. However, a book on creative nonfiction, Tell It Slant (named after Dickinson's poem), warns of not turning a personal essay into the "therapist's couch," not telling an emotional story too soon at the risk of being maudlin or vindictive, and the importance of understanding your motive and how the piece will affect a reader.

Well, my stupid story of failure was certainly not too soon, maudlin, or vindictive. Hopefully, I wasn't using it as a therapist's couch. I do wonder about my motive a little. Why share about getting drunk a few times that week on the River Walk in San Antonio? How transparent should we be in our writing? 

We all know that our students are certainly putting their trust in us with their essays. For many of us, especially kids, it's a scary thing to share your ideas with someone--let alone someone who will, by nature of the situation, probably judge your grammar and style. My AP Lang students recently wrote personal essays--a "3.5 page any-style paper." I told them we wouldn't do the usual  peer editing. I was going to be the only one to read it (if so they chose); hopefully, they would view me as more of a reader than a wicked grader on the attack. (I don't use rubrics on personal narrative assignments--I rather dislike rubrics anyway,]) 

They're seniors, and I've known most of the kids almost two years now. Some of these essays were funny, all were reflective, and  some were surprisingly vulnerable. They were so well written. Though composing creative nonfiction certainly doesn't prep them more for the May test,  I'm so glad each year that we work the assignment in. I'm not very judgy when it comes to personal stuff and they probably know that. (I'm pretty flawed.) I would, of course, address any situation if they were in danger or I was alarmed by what they wrote. They know that, too, but these weren't vulnerable that way, thank goodness. But still, they took risks. 

So how about us? I have read others' posts on Facebook and have colleagues who also  think it is important for teachers to share their writing with students. I do it verrrrry rarely. (I put an AP practice essay I wrote on a blind reading table once (no names) and got kind of schooled.) Some students know I have a blog, but I keep my last name off it on the site. (They're not dying to read it anyway, I'm guessing. Prom, scholarship essays, upcoming graduation parties are more important than your ol' teacher's blog on teaching English.) 

However, I write fairy journals (fiction!) that I have read aloud to students a few times over the years. They seem surprised and don't seem to know quite how to respond. Maybe that's my gig--writing things people don't really know how to take. Below is one of my fairy's journal entries. She's generally upbeat, but struggles some with depression. Posting this is probably a bit open for me (and not really helpful to anyone)--fiction isn't my go to. Read it if you like. The fairy's my alter ego probably. My uncle once said everyone's first novel is likely 50% autobiographical! (I won't write a fae novel.)

This all said, I hope you take some creative risks today (or at least this summer when time allows).  Sharing more of who we are is interesting, and potential failures are usually worth it. I have been a strong AP Lang reader for the last six years. As my friend Becky used to say, "No regrets." 

Here's the AP reader fail post, and below that is my try at first person fiction.

(https://tracetheelateacher.blogspot.com/2025/06/a-less-than-stellar-entry-to-ap-reading.html)

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FAIRY's WINTER JOURNAL 20XX

ON WRITING by Stephen King--worth it! (Plus Ellen's comments!)

As I'm reading Stephen King's On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, I find myself feeling a little guilty that I have not read any of his novels. The length and topics were my reasons--but I have always heard he's a good writer, and I'm really liking his memoir. It reminds me some of a Sedaris text, but I'd say a bit more melancholy.  The memoir section is  interesting and moving, but my favorite parts already are the little snippets he offers about writing throughout. I am only on p. 165, so past the life story--which only goes until p. 100, and since then it seems to all focus on writing. I took a chance and offered it as an option for summer reading for my AP Lang kids.  (They have to read a "social topic" nonfiction book and listen to/or read a memoir. I told them this could work for either--I think I should have just said memoir.) The students' first essay will be an analysis of Outliers, Cultish, Columbine, Stiff, or The Anxious Generation or (if anyone chooses it) On Writing. 

Today it is a million degrees in Iowa (feels like 2 million). Nevertheless, I went out on our love seat, somehow positioned it under our umbrella on the deck and read On Writing for about 45 minutes. Today's section was mostly about writing fiction; well, the whole writing section is mostly on fiction. In the heat I read about not using too much description, letting dialogue create character when possible, and that a situation is a much better starting point than a plot. Below are ideas I have found interesting so far from both sections. After those, I have a special section with the ideas of my friend Ellen about the text--she devoured it in a few days apparently!

Below are some writing ideas that can relate to both fiction and nonfiction that I have really liked from On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft.

p. 37  "Good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky." He says that two "unrelated ideas come together and make something new...your job isn't to find these but to recognize them when they show up."  (I will start noticing! I love serendipity or synchronicity--either one.)

p.45 I love this: "At 13 I wanted monsters that ate whole cities, radioactive corpses that came out of the ocean and ate surfers, and girls in black bras who looked like trailer trash." (According to the second section, we don't have to write about what we "know," but we must write about our interests.)

p. 49 This part made me a little sad. He wrote things in middle school (or early high school) to try to sell them at school (it worked). One was a more grotesque retelling of the Vincent Price movie, "The Pit and the Pendulum." He sold almost all of the copies but was caught, and they made him give the money back to the kids. He remembers an English teacher then saying to him, "Stevie, what I don't understand is why you'd write junk like this in the first place. You're talented. Why do you want to waste your abilities?"

P. 50 I guess it's actually his response to her comment that made me sad: "I have spent a good many years since--too many, I think, being ashamed about what I write...If you write (or paint or dance  or sculpt or sing), I suppose, someone will try to make you feel lousy about it." Gees, I hope I have offered no offhand comment that is now echoing in some student writer's head years down the road.

P. 57 I LOVED this part and found it quite encouraging. I write A LOT of feedback on student essays--I mark all the grammar, but much of my commentary is on style. King was pushed to write for a local paper in high school for a while. When the editor really went after his piece with lots of notes and slashes (and he thought King had written a good article),  King was not offended; he writes, "Why, I wondered, didn't English teachers ever do this?" I TOTALLY do that.  I just got a cool email from a brilliant graduate yesterday (Noah) who thanked me for the comments on his papers.  (His papers were super in the first place, but I like to suggest!)  If you do this, too, I hope you feel likewise validated. 

ANYWAY, the opening memoir section is truly worth it! I did find myself looking more forward to the writing section, but now that I am in the thick of that, I feel I got more out of the first half as a comp teacher, ironically.

For example, I did not find anything earth-shaking in the first 20 pages of the writing section: know your grammar, avoid passive voice, just say, "said."  There were lots of shout outs to Strunk and White.  I did think it was interesting that he said to use adverbs "sparingly."  

I'm still looking forward to the last 100 pages. As an English teacher,  I knew that information about grammar and passive voice--and I should.  But I am anxious to finish reading more about his ideas on narrative style, content, process, etc. 

PART II: A fan's response!

 

My friend Ellen!

    I am also including the responses of Ellen, a fun and smart friend/professional colleague, on King's On Writing.  Ellen is an an AP Literature and Composition teacher and department chair from Texas. We met halfway (in Arkansas) at an NEH workshop on adaptations of FRANKENSTEIN and CINDERELLA.  Ellen was a highlight! Ellen is the real deal--a long-time King fan having read nine of his early novels in the 80s! I was busy reading Harlequin romances. (That was embarrassing to write. My high school independent reading was not impressive.)  I saw on Facebook that Ellen was also reading On Writing, so I asked her to share her ideas on his nonfiction. But, first, I love Ellen's commentary on his novels: 

    "The Shining is the scariest book I have ever read, and he wrote two of my all time favorite novellas/books adapted into film: The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. By the way, John Coffee’s initials are J.C. Yes, I had an omg moment after reading that." 

(Again, I (Trace) haven't even seen Shawshank or The Green Mile--there are huge gaps in my film background. I much prefer Ellen's enthusiasm to my ignorance!)

Things I learned about Ellen from reading her responses she sent via email.

1. Ellen is a romantic. 

King suggests having an " Ideal Reader. This person reads the first draft and gives honest feedback that you are willing to accept. For him, it is his wife, Tabby, and he admits that he writes to please her. If she laughs or is scared at the right moment, he wins. Then he wonders if it is funny enough or scary enough. Love that he loves her so much. He says it often." (EB)  *Ellen's husband heard her laughing as she read the book all night long.

2. Like Stephen King, Ellen's least favorite part of speech is adverbs. (I'm keeping "least" there anyway.)

3. She reads with her students in mind!

"He has a toolbox of techniques he uses and explains how much or little he relies on them like vocabulary, grammar, dialogue, sentences, paragraphs, narration, description, and also pairs examples of good and bad uses of techniques from notable authors. I have already developed two classroom lessons from his pairings. Imagine the conversations students could have about this! My wheels are turning!" (EB)

4. She's a proud Texan.

She's met Larry McMurtry and likes his clear and honest writing style (as does King). "He's a Texan, like me." (EB)

5.  She can do a Blue's Clues reference! Ellen appreciates that King suggests having "a writing space." She feels it could be "sort of like a Blue's Clues 'thinking chair.' A place that puts you in the zone." (EB)

6.  She seems willing to read "sh**" and the "f" word, but not write them.

"Lastly, he says that honesty is the key to good fiction. Characters must be believable, and it shows through dialogue.  King embeds a lot of sh-- and f--k in this memoir (gasp!), but we wouldn’t believe it if it were any other way." (EB)

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A Less than Stellar Entry to AP Reading...

Here's a true story about my first AP reading when I was in my twenties. I was leaving my first high school  teaching job and headed to a nearby university to serve as a one-year liaison instructor (I would bring info about hs comp AND would gain info about college comp). The same year I decided to apply to be an AP Lit reader. I had taught AP Lit for 6 years and was headed to teach for a year as "a bit more than an adjunct or TA" (I had health insurance and a better salary), and so because of my "amazing qualifications," I was selected to read. 

Well, it was in San Antonio, and I had a GREAT roommate, and we spent time on the river walk every night.  We ate at great restaurants--I had the first and best Tex-Mex chili of my life. We drank every night (I more than her. In her defense, she was around 45 and not an idiot.)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the days reading tests were tough. I think I was kind of "tired" one day (unimpressive), and I remember almost falling asleep once at the table. I was on Question 3, and I don't remember what it was about, but I could look it up--it was 1993. Anyway, there were the two columns of books as suggested titles, and I hadn't read many of them.  So I would ask when I got to one I didn't know if someone at the table could score that one. "Has anyone read Wuthering Heights?" I asked at one point.  I remember an older kind of condescending woman saying, "You haven't read Wuthering Heights?!"  I think she was thinking, "Wow. You haven't EVEN read Wuthering Heights." I was thinking, "Oh, shit, I'm in trouble."

I can write this now about Wuthering Heights without looking it up: "I am Heathcliff. He's always, always on my mind. Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same stuff."  (I think that's pretty close.) Anyway, I've read it now, and at sixty, I know I wouldn't make some under thirty-year-old feel guilty for not having read a few classics. But, then again, I did admittedly struggle maintain focus sometimes which may have irritated her. 

I remember asking our table leader near the end when I found out that you had to be invited back, "Will you invite me back?" He assured me that, yes, he would suggest I be invited again. I don't think he did.  When I was at my next high school the math teacher was an AP reader. I told him I had done that as well. He said, "Why don't you do it anymore? Didn't you get asked back? Everyone gets asked back." Oh snap.

About five years ago, when I was in the thick of teaching both AP Lit and AP Lang and had more teaching years under my belt than years I had been alive in San Antonio, I applied to be an AP Lang reader. When it asked if you had been a reader before, I checked no. I feel guilty about it, and should be judged for the dishonesty. I HADN'T read for Lang and it truly had been 26-27 years ago at the time. I was still pretty nervous I would be "found out." I haven't been yet, but maybe some do-gooder will turn me in: "She WAS a reader and she sucked in 1993!!" (Again, long ago)

I didn't know the full level of my shame until that math teacher told me how UNUSUAL it was to not be asked to return. Now I realize they have weird algorithms and perfectly good readers don't get asked back every year. (However, I had not been a perfectly good reader.)  Though there had been some shame in San Antonio, I do remember really liking the river walk, liking my roommate and visiting

the Alamo, and best of all, liking that Tex Mex chili.           

*************************************************

    I’m certainly not proud of that showing…I’m so glad to be here not there! I believe I am a very good Lang reader—this will be my 4th or 5th year. I take it seriously! Those were not my finest moments. I would never compromise my approach to any student essay. Here's to change and growth, I guess.  Someone responded to this on Facebook and said feeling shame is essentially a waste of time! I like that.

Please respond! I'd love to know what you think.  Did you ever have a bad experience reading AP tests?