Vulnerability in Our Writing: They're "open." Should we be?

I have a post out there right now recently that got a lot of hits. It's about a professional failure I *experienced about 32 years ago. When I first posted it, it got 600 views quickly.  I was surprised.  But I took it off in the first 24 hours anyway. I had a couple friends (old colleagues) who read it and thought it was either a little inappropriate or too vulnerable--a bit over the top with mea culpa. 

But, for some reason I decided to repost it, and it was getting about a view per minute again--faster than any other blog I have posted. (https://tracetheelateacher.blogspot.com/2025/06/a-less-than-stellar-entry-to-ap-reading.html)  I'm kind of wondering why that is. It's about failing as an AP reader in my twenties, and I wonder if people can relate for some reason. Otherwise, maybe people are just more intrigued by our failures (ha!). Vulnerability makes us curious, I think. 

Today at least, I feel like being vulnerable is ok. In a book on creative nonfiction, Tell It Slant (yes, named after Dickinson's poem!), it talks of not turning a personal essay into the "therapist's couch," not telling an emotional story too soon at the risk of being maudlin or vindictive, and the importance of understanding your motive and how the piece will affect a reader.

Well, my stupid story is certainly not too soon, maudlin, or vindictive. Hopefully, I'm  not using it as a therapist's couch. I do wonder about my motive a little. Why tell it? Why now?  And, I kind of wish I knew how those readers behind those views felt about it. But maybe that's part of the blogging game.  I get 99.5% more views than feedback. That's ok...I think. 

How vulnerable are you with your writing? How vulnerable should we be? Our students are certainly putting their trust in us with their essays. It's a scary thing to share your ideas with someone--let alone someone who will, by nature of the situation, absolutely judge you. 

I have read online and have colleagues who think it is important for teachers to share their writing with students. I do it verrrrrrrrry rarely. (I put an AP practice essay on a blind reading table once (no names) and got kind of schooled.) Students know I have a blog but I keep my last name off it on the site (not on facebook but that's not where my hs students interact with me)! I write fairy journals (fiction) that I have read aloud to them a few times. They are surprised and don't seem to know how to respond. Maybe that's my gig--writing things people are exposed to but don't really know what feedback to give. Below is one of my fairy's journal entires. She lives in my backyard. She's generally upbeat, but struggles some with depression. This is more vulnerable than I usual--fiction isn't my go-to. 

*created

___________________________________

FAIRY's WINTER JOURNAL 20XX

ON WRITING by Stephen King--worth it! (Plus Ellen's comments!)

As I'm reading Stephen King's On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, I find myself feeling a little guilty that I have not read any of his novels. The length and topics were my reasons--but I have always heard he's a good writer, and I'm really liking his memoir. It reminds me some of a Sedaris text, but I'd say a bit more melancholy.  The memoir section is  interesting and moving, but my favorite parts already are the little snippets he offers about writing throughout. I am only on p. 165, so past the life story--which only goes until p. 100, and since then it seems to all focus on writing. I took a chance and offered it as an option for summer reading for my AP Lang kids.  (They have to read a "social topic" nonfiction book and listen to/or read a memoir. I told them this could work for either--I think I should have just said memoir.) The students' first essay will be an analysis of Outliers, Cultish, Columbine, Stiff, or The Anxious Generation or (if anyone chooses it) On Writing. 

Today it is a million degrees in Iowa (feels like 2 million). Nevertheless, I went out on our love seat, somehow positioned it under our umbrella on the deck and read On Writing for about 45 minutes. Today's section was mostly about writing fiction; well, the whole writing section is mostly on fiction. In the heat I read about not using too much description, letting dialogue create character when possible, and that a situation is a much better starting point than a plot. Below are ideas I have found interesting so far from both sections. After those, I have a special section with the ideas of my friend Ellen about the text--she devoured it in a few days apparently!

Below are some writing ideas that can relate to both fiction and nonfiction that I have really liked from On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft.

p. 37  "Good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky." He says that two "unrelated ideas come together and make something new...your job isn't to find these but to recognize them when they show up."  (I will start noticing! I love serendipity or synchronicity--either one.)

p.45 I love this: "At 13 I wanted monsters that ate whole cities, radioactive corpses that came out of the ocean and ate surfers, and girls in black bras who looked like trailer trash." (According to the second section, we don't have to write about what we "know," but we must write about our interests.)

p. 49 This part made me a little sad. He wrote things in middle school (or early high school) to try to sell them at school (it worked). One was a more grotesque retelling of the Vincent Price movie, "The Pit and the Pendulum." He sold almost all of the copies but was caught, and they made him give the money back to the kids. He remembers an English teacher then saying to him, "Stevie, what I don't understand is why you'd write junk like this in the first place. You're talented. Why do you want to waste your abilities?"

P. 50 I guess it's actually his response to her comment that made me sad: "I have spent a good many years since--too many, I think, being ashamed about what I write...If you write (or paint or dance  or sculpt or sing), I suppose, someone will try to make you feel lousy about it." Gees, I hope I have offered no offhand comment that is now echoing in some student writer's head years down the road.

P. 57 I LOVED this part and found it quite encouraging. I write A LOT of feedback on student essays--I mark all the grammar, but much of my commentary is on style. King was pushed to write for a local paper in high school for a while. When the editor really went after his piece with lots of notes and slashes (and he thought King had written a good article),  King was not offended; he writes, "Why, I wondered, didn't English teachers ever do this?" I TOTALLY do that.  I just got a cool email from a brilliant graduate yesterday (Noah) who thanked me for the comments on his papers.  (His papers were super in the first place, but I like to suggest!)  If you do this, too, I hope you feel likewise validated. 

ANYWAY, the opening memoir section is truly worth it! I did find myself looking more forward to the writing section, but now that I am in the thick of that, I feel I got more out of the first half as a comp teacher, ironically.

For example, I did not find anything earth-shaking in the first 20 pages of the writing section: know your grammar, avoid passive voice, just say, "said."  There were lots of shout outs to Strunk and White.  I did think it was interesting that he said to use adverbs "sparingly."  

I'm still looking forward to the last 100 pages. As an English teacher,  I knew that information about grammar and passive voice--and I should.  But I am anxious to finish reading more about his ideas on narrative style, content, process, etc. 

PART II: A fan's response!

 

My friend Ellen!

    I am also including the responses of Ellen, a fun and smart friend/professional colleague, on King's On Writing.  Ellen is an an AP Literature and Composition teacher and department chair from Texas. We met halfway (in Arkansas) at an NEH workshop on adaptations of FRANKENSTEIN and CINDERELLA.  Ellen was a highlight! Ellen is the real deal--a long-time King fan having read nine of his early novels in the 80s! I was busy reading Harlequin romances. (That was embarrassing to write. My high school independent reading was not impressive.)  I saw on Facebook that Ellen was also reading On Writing, so I asked her to share her ideas on his nonfiction. But, first, I love Ellen's commentary on his novels: 

    "The Shining is the scariest book I have ever read, and he wrote two of my all time favorite novellas/books adapted into film: The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. By the way, John Coffee’s initials are J.C. Yes, I had an omg moment after reading that." 

(Again, I (Trace) haven't even seen Shawshank or The Green Mile--there are huge gaps in my film background. I much prefer Ellen's enthusiasm to my ignorance!)

Things I learned about Ellen from reading her responses she sent via email.

1. Ellen is a romantic. 

King suggests having an " Ideal Reader. This person reads the first draft and gives honest feedback that you are willing to accept. For him, it is his wife, Tabby, and he admits that he writes to please her. If she laughs or is scared at the right moment, he wins. Then he wonders if it is funny enough or scary enough. Love that he loves her so much. He says it often." (EB)  *Ellen's husband heard her laughing as she read the book all night long.

2. Like Stephen King, Ellen's least favorite part of speech is adverbs. (I'm keeping "least" there anyway.)

3. She reads with her students in mind!

"He has a toolbox of techniques he uses and explains how much or little he relies on them like vocabulary, grammar, dialogue, sentences, paragraphs, narration, description, and also pairs examples of good and bad uses of techniques from notable authors. I have already developed two classroom lessons from his pairings. Imagine the conversations students could have about this! My wheels are turning!" (EB)

4. She's a proud Texan.

She's met Larry McMurtry and likes his clear and honest writing style (as does King). "He's a Texan, like me." (EB)

5.  She can do a Blue's Clues reference! Ellen appreciates that King suggests having "a writing space." She feels it could be "sort of like a Blue's Clues 'thinking chair.' A place that puts you in the zone." (EB)

6.  She seems willing to read "sh**" and the "f" word, but not write them.

"Lastly, he says that honesty is the key to good fiction. Characters must be believable, and it shows through dialogue.  King embeds a lot of sh-- and f--k in this memoir (gasp!), but we wouldn’t believe it if it were any other way." (EB)

_________________________________

A Less than Stellar Entry to AP Reading...

I have enjoyed writing this blog.  I have written over 40 entries since the beginning of March and have over 15,000 views. I appreciate you reading this. :)  So it's summer break. Now what? It could be trickier to come up with topics to write about without the daily fodder provided by the job: the interactions with students and the daily adventures with the literature.

This last week I have been looking at pics and comments from the AP Lit readers. It's making me a little anxious about my upcoming Lang reading which I think is a good professional activity. (I do not really "enjoy" it because it's hard!) The $30 an hour is admittedly a motivator at this point. However, BEFORE I was chosen, it was all about the glory of being selected to be an AP READER! 

Here's a true story about my first AP reading when I was in my twenties. I was leaving my first high school  teaching job and headed to a nearby university to serve as a one-year liaison instructor (I would bring info about hs comp AND would gain info about college comp). The same year I decided to apply to be an AP Lit reader. I had taught AP Lit for 6 years and was headed to teach for a year as "a bit more than an adjunct or TA" (I had health insurance and a better salary), and so because of my "amazing qualifications," I was selected to read. 

Well, it was in San Antonio, and I had a GREAT roommate, and we spent time on the river walk every night.  We ate at great restaurants--I had the first and best Tex-Mex chili of my life. We drank every night (I more than her. In her defense, she was around 45 and not an idiot.)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the days reading tests were tough. I think I was kind of "tired" one day (unimpressive), and I remember almost falling asleep once at the table. I was on Question 3, and I don't remember what it was about, but I could look it up--it was 1993. Anyway, there were the two columns of books as suggested titles, and I hadn't read many of them.  So I would ask when I got to one I didn't know if someone at the table could score that one. "Has anyone read Wuthering Heights?" I asked at one point.  I remember an older kind of condescending woman saying, "You haven't read Wuthering Heights?!"  I think she was thinking, "Wow. You haven't EVEN read Wuthering Heights." I was thinking, "Oh, shit, I'm in trouble."

I can write this now about Wuthering Heights without looking it up: "I am Heathcliff. He's always, always on my mind. Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same stuff."  (I think that's pretty close.) Anyway, I've read it now, and at sixty, I know I wouldn't make some under thirty-year-old feel guilty for not having read a few classics. But, then again, I did admittedly struggle maintain focus sometimes which may have irritated her. 

I remember asking our table leader near the end when I found out that you had to be invited back, "Will you invite me back?" He assured me that, yes, he would suggest I be invited again. I don't think he did.  When I was at my next high school the math teacher was an AP reader. I told him I had done that as well. He said, "Why don't you do it anymore? Didn't you get asked back? Everyone gets asked back." Oh snap.

About five years ago, when I was in the thick of teaching both AP Lit and AP Lang and had more teaching years under my belt than years I had been alive in San Antonio, I applied to be an AP Lang reader. When it asked if you had been a reader before, I checked no. I feel guilty about it, and should be judged for the dishonesty. I HADN'T read for Lang and it truly had been 26-27 years ago at the time. I was still pretty nervous I would be "found out." I haven't been yet, but maybe some do-gooder will turn me in: "She WAS a reader and she sucked in 1993!!" (Again, long ago)

I didn't know the full level of my shame until that math teacher told me how UNUSUAL it was to not be asked to return. Now I realize they have weird algorithms and perfectly good readers don't get asked back every year. (However, I had not been a perfectly good reader.)  Though there had been some shame in San Antonio, I do remember really liking the river walk, liking my roommate and visiting

the Alamo, and best of all, liking that Tex Mex chili.           

*************************************************

    I’m certainly not proud of that showing…I’m so glad to be here not there! I believe I am a very good Lang reader—this will be my 4th or 5th year. I take it seriously! Those were not my finest moments. I would never compromise my approach to any student essay. Here's to change and growth, I guess.  Someone responded to this on Facebook and said feeling shame is essentially a waste of time! I like that.

Please respond! I'd love to know what you think.  Did you ever have a bad experience reading AP tests?

I just finished 7 +1 days of AP Lang reading--Trueur's introduction (Q2). It went well!  I like reading at home.