Teacher Dreams: Repetion, Again, Same Dream...Eek

       I had a dream about going to the grocery store.  I could so clearly see myself picking out the purple onion we needed out of the piled up purple onions.  This boring dream was a nice break from the frequent teaching dreams I have. But, unsurprisingly, I did also have a teaching dream last night. The details are fuzzy but somehow I got so frustrated or upset or embarrassed that I decided to resign. (That’s not on the table for me right now  and  definitely  not what I want to do to.) Weirdly, though, a few times a year I always look at the listings on Teach Iowa. It’s not because I don’t love my job and school—I’m spoiled and happy. It’s just when I feel like I’m not up to it all for some reason or that maybe I can’t handle all the work that faces me until those AP tests— and I think, “What would a fresh start in Sheldon or Oskaloosa or Bangkok look like?” 

     It’s stupid. Maybe it’s less about teaching and more about wishing for a do-over in early April, or a desire to escape my obligations, or escape how I feel early spring before everything greens up. Because changing jobs would make everything so easy. Hmmm...maybe there’s something else in my life where I need a fresh start. Like maybe I could try a new recipe, go to the gym, vacuum my car….that would be easier.

            My most frequent teaching dream involves working at a new school that has at least three floors. I have been assigned several different classes all over the building and during the dream two are always happening at the same time on different floors. I keep running from the one room to the other. I am unprepared for both and trying unsuccessfully to hide that—rummaging through filing cabinets or book cupboards to find something we could do for a period. Sometimes the room is shaped like an L and I can’t even see eight of the students because they are behind a partial wall.  It never goes well and I am in a panic the whole time and anxious when I wake.

According to Brianna Wiest, “If it keeps drawing your attention back to it, there is a lesson within it that still needs to be extracted…There is an element you need to dissect, a wisdom you are meant to carry forth.”  My husband thinks that’s flakey.  He thinks there are pieces of the past—suffering or just random memories--that we naturally return to that are not calling us to unlock something. Nevertheless, I sent him to the store for an onion.

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A Gatsby Moment...

Speaking of the past and things recurring, my students recently finished Gatsby with the student teacher. I told Taylor I like the students to memorize the last line: "So we beat on, boats agains the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." She told them would you give them suckers if "everyone except one" could recite the line. There they were the next day lined up at her desk sharing Fitzgerald's lovely sentence in hopes of getting a Blow Pop. While Jakob was waiting at the back of the line near my desk,  I kind of dramatically said, "And so we beat on, boats against..." He cut me off, "Technically, it's just, "SO we beat on." There's no "and." 

Whatever, Jakob. Enjoy your Blow Pop. 

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