Feeling a Lil' Old(ish)

Girl, get over it?

    Two weeks into my excellent student teacher's stay, I was feeling kind of old. I felt old that week at least. It's partly because she is twenty-one and in several ways teaches differently than I do. It's partly that I just turned sixty and I get sort of  tired by the end of the day. (Boo) It's partly because a woman just asked me if I was retiring this year.

    I sometimes feel insecure and replaceable--would people just as soon have me leave? I am more expensive after all. However, my AP kids' scores are high--did I just write that?  I work crazy hard at teaching writing (and love it). Within the last ten years I have gotten awards, presented at conferences, published articles. Whatever. I shouldn't be pumping myself up, I should just be working on my self-esteem. In Do Hard Things, Steve Magness writes, "Lasting self-esteem doesn't come from being told we're great. It comes from doing actual work and making real connections." I think teaching is one of those jobs that calls for both the work and connections--so where's my daily shot of self esteem? "With low confidence 'joy and thrill' transform into 'agony and despair.'" (Magness again). 
Well, I'm certainly still in the "joy" category. "Thrill?" At least "excitement"--at least some, every day. 

    Maybe I just need to embrace that I am an older teacher. I embraced turning gray two years ago (note in selfie)! We recently elected (gag) an eighty-year-old president, and I should stop teaching at sixty?  

    Since that two weeks, I have regained belief in my mojo. For those of you sixty and over out there, let's enjoy it and view ourselves as kind of treasures.  Why? A) those years?--crazy valuable B) the skill connected to teaching writing that comes with the experience of having read thousands of essays is priceless C) being an "older mom figure" we are absolutely not that socially interesting to kids. (They pretended to be excited that I started a blog and look happily shocked when I ask if they watch my TikTok videos*.) 

    The superintendent is around my age. The curriculum director, a science teacher, a social studies teacher, industrial arts teacher, our amazing secretary--they are all my age or (gasp) maybe even a little bit older. They all rock.

    In a few years, when I am sixty-four, I may retire.  If things change too drastically in education, maybe sixty-three. But for now, I have to stay: we need the insurance. Can I get a holla? More importantly, I STILL love it.  Actually, I guess I truly am some sort of shaky confident most of the time.  Huzzah! 

    BTW: my young student teacher was awesome!!! Huzzah, huzzah! More about Taylor in another entry. :) 

*I don't really do TikToks. As if. :)