Steve Magness says, "If we acknowledge our foibles, the more we can take ourselves out of [the] defensive stance...It [someone's criticism] is not an attack, but an aid to understanding our weaknesses" (80) Sure, sure, I like this idea. But this is what I'll also say...I can't think of many people who should be pointing out your weaknesses except maybe the administrators. Then, I think legally, they mostly need to do this with ideas for improvement strategies you can work on. If the teacher down the hall is commenting daily on your "less than" discipline, it does start to feel like an "attack" instead of just "an aid to understanding our weaknesses." Actually, I believe most of us know what our weaknesses are.
Magness is right: we should know what they are. I think it's ok for us to admit when a weakness has affected our day or (worse) our students. However, just like in real life, it is pretty hard to accept someone else's acknowledgement of our weaknesses--pointing out our flaws. I think Magness is right here, too, that if we know our weaknesses and are comfortable with them we have better confidence and, ergo, are better off. Still, it doesn't always work for me.
Since I am old enough to be the mother of some teachers in the building, it's pretty safe to say I'm familiar with my weaknesses. It still unnerves me off when people point at them--shooting for the vulnerable spot, the easiest place to draw blood. If it happens frequently, it is an issue, and you have every right to tell them to "pi$$ off." Or, more realistically (and professionally), say, "I get it--you disapprove of my ______________." Then if they continue to badger you about this flaw they are really becoming a problem. They're not playing by the normal rules of basic adult behavior. It is also nice to find some allies, but it's probably best to vent at home. (However, I really rely on my allies for lots of things--they know the score.) And MOST people you work with are NOT mean!
The Meanest Critic
But sometimes you have to work with someone unkind. I wish it weren't the case. Sometimes they are also disrespectful to almost everyone else and even kind of mean to the students, but that doesn't make it hurt less for anyone.
The people I disrespect the most are those who "go after" new people. This has happened to me twice (fortunately, a long time ago!). Both times I already had a Master's Degree in Literature and had taught upper-level classes at kind of impressive schools; I felt I should be confident, but they still made me feel wildly insecure about teaching Honors English 9 (which I had also taught before); the other person made me feel incapable every day doing a long-term sub position for 8th grade. Sure, my mom would tell me that a person who is badgering you is likely "threatened by you" in some way. She's probably right. How are you going to fit into the hierarchy they have created? It doesn't matter if you are seasoned or fresh out of college, a mean person will try to to make you feel insecure about what you're trying to do, which unfortunately, just isn't that hard in a profession where something likely goes awry each day. The people who go after brand new new teachers are the worst.
If I had known what I know now, I would have more quickly recognized their behavior, instead of being blindsided with the fear and self-doubt that comes with being a capable bully's target. Regardless, the feelings of isolation and insecurity would still be there if I were under attack again tomorrow. Like echos of emotional pain that never completely dissipated they quickly reverberate.n And, of course, unless you're Steve Magness, they can shake your self esteem.
If this happened to me now I would do a few things. I would address them directly, asking them to stop, to leave me alone. Then, I would let an admin know (seems extreme), and before this, as soon as I saw a pattern, I would document every instance of their negative comments or sabotaging behavior.
To the bully....
A) "I know you are frequently pointing out ___________________________ about my teaching, etc. I'd like you to discontinue that as it distracts me from what I need to do here."
To the admin...
B) If necessary, I'd go to the admin, and without ratting them out I'd say, "I have a colleague who is frequently criticizing me about __________________, __________________, and ______________________ . Do you have concerns about my behavior in these areas?"
How to keep a record...
C) To document their behavior all you need to do is write an email to someone you trust with a date at the top of each entry. Your confidante does not need to respond in writing, the important thing is that you have a running "record." This will give you reassurance that you are not crazy (because this makes even more clear that it is frequently happening) and gives you things to bring to a discussion with an admin if needed.
In none of the three cases of my career did I want the perpetrator fired (some of my friends offered to slash their tires). I just wanted them to stop, to leave me alone, to just let me teach. We have emotionally taxing jobs as it is--we should not have to endure a hostile environment created by a lousy colleague.
The saddest part of this? It's been years and I can still remember the feeling. That's on me, but I am kind of an empath, which means I feel things more strongly than I should! Pathetic?
Essentially, my advice is this: Don't let anyone mess with you--call them out and do what you need to to regain your confidence and move on to the fun part: helping students grow. Even more important, take the NEW person to lunch or out for appetizers, share your stuff with them (I know people who won't), and encourage them to ask you any questions. You don't have to become best friends, but everyone appreciates knowing they have an ally across the hall.
Maybe you will never run up against a workplace bully--I've only met a few in 30 years of teaching! All this said, I think everyone has a "failure of kindness" sometimes. Tough situations can definitely lead to the expression of...emotions. Sigh. Hopefully, those encounters are "fixable." I think you know what I mean...I'm not perfect.