"Remember, it's about the kids..." Ummm, duh?

Is it wrong that I dislike this sentence? Actually, I'm not sure I have ever had someone  single me out for it until last Friday (I was complaining. Really, I thought I was being pretty benign, just frustrated.) 

Why so offended? I think I feel like I spend way too much of my life connected to work. I grade a lot, I prep a lot. And for heaven's sake, I hope, hope that you can tell I care about kids (and I may not even know you). Here's my assumption: you care about kids. Here's my assumption about my school: all the teachers and administrators care about kids. I've taught forever, so here's my assumption about the teachers I worked with in all my districts--they care(d) about kids. Even teachers who were gruff and smoking in the teachers lounge in 1987...I know they cared about kids. (Wow! Even smokers care! Forgive me, smokers!) 

So that Friday, I had shared with a teacher/friend  a rough experience I had with some students--AP seniors, mind you. Awesome AP seniors! 

Situation: 1:30 pm: I tried to get five AP Lang students, who had been gone for three class periods for a club trip, to write an in-class essay that they missed. And they were kind of sassy with me. In their defense, I think I was confusing at first--it's hard to explain four hours of missed class, let alone a lot of homework, at least it is for me. I had tried to gather it and had given it to them. I just really wanted them to write that essay--right then. And I was getting some push back. "We just are trying to understand."  "Just write the essay," I finally snapped. Like we all do, I have gone the extra mile for all of these kids. (And I would do so again forever!) I was feeling overwhelmed, surprised by the push back, and  unappreciated. Waaah--it happens. So I shared my frustration with a colleague via email.

She wrote back, "The only thing I can say, is remember, you are doing this for the kids. That is why we are teachers, right?" Ouch. I was hurt--I thought I'd have to be a sorry-ass teacher if I didn't know that. I work so hard--making interesting lessons, allowing extended deadlines, creating a positive atmosphere, grading and grading and grading--all for the kids.  How could she tell me to remember, "It's all for the kids"? I may seem defensive (I completely was), but I just don't know any teachers who don't know that, and I felt that my classroom frustration was being dismissed and I was kind of being reprimanded. (Poor colleague--this would never be their intention!) It just reminds me of  a manipulative platitude curriculum directors say when they want you to get on board with their newest venture: "Remember, guys, it's about the kiddos." As a professional educator, I find this comment kind of offensive (obviously). I'd been reminded that I had lost track of our basic premise. It's like telling an accountant, "Remember, its about the numbers." But still, why the emotional response to a reminder? I guess I  think we should never say that to another teacher, unless....well, I can't think of an unless.

That's my weird, self-absorbed rant. I do care about kids--I swear it! So does my well-meaning colleague who told me to remember that--they're awesome! Sigh. I probably shouldn't have complained--complaining is mostly annoying and boring ( especially on a late Friday afternoon). But you can complain to me, and I will still know you care about kids and that you try to do a great job. Maybe I shouldn't even BE frustrated--my school, kids, and colleagues are great! (I did not share names or go harsh--I just shared how I felt.)

Sometimes, what hurts us or frustrates us has a message for us--we need a step back followed by, "Oh, that's what I need to learn."  For me,  I don't think it's that I need learn is to care about students.  It's about over-reacting to being reminded that that's our purpose. 

Still, here's what I'm telling you: I believe you care about kids, even on tough days! It's about the kids for sure, but we all know that, right? Wow--there I go, even at the end.  "The lady doth protest too much, methinks?"

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My son Max teaches math in Thailand, and I texted him about the sassiness I got from the students that day. His comment? "Very frustrating! But it's part of the job and not your fault. Can't control student attitudes, can only control how you respond to them."  He's right--that's true even half-way around the world. I do like his comment better.  (And, he very much cares about kids--I am also so proud of him!)