"Misery me a fiend! (not)" : When we have to rely on others (and subs)...

 

Hi--it is Day 11 of sitting in a room in Methodist Hospital in Des Moines. My husband fell down a flight of stairs, and had surgery on his upper spine.  He was "movement compromised" from the midsection down. This is terrifying--not the right word. The good news is that he just got accepted to a great rehab program in the same hospital (which is close to home). It's far from over, but I hope to go back to school when he is established in rehab! AP Lit is reading Frankenstein, and the creature says, "Misery made me a fiend!"  I am not a fiend, and there has been not too much full blown misery; my fear is a little more alleviated with his progress daily. It's possible to keep desperation under control.

So, my school has been fabulous, which is such a relief. Our sick days are also FAMILY sick days, so even after these 8 days of school, I still have 78.75 left, but who's counting.

I have never been away from school for more than three days.  Lucky, but it's weird to prep for subs so much. Things I have learned from missing lots of school.

a.  It's ok.

b.  Nobody expects you to ditch your husband while he has very little feeling in his legs.

c. It's tricky to fill 90 hour (minute) periods for freshmen when you're not there to teach them yourself.

d.  Short stories like "Sound of Thunder" and "Lob's Girl" with follow-up questions are helpful!

e. Encourage the sub to send anyone who makes a paper airplane out of a post-it note to the office (new policy); however, not to feel defeated if they don't catch them--they can be sneaky!  

f. AP Lit can keep reading FRANKENSTEIN without you if you're lucky enough to have taught it many times and have years of original material created. 

g.  I still had them take a regular  quiz, then a longer open-book quiz, then write a mock-Romantic story to share on reading table, and then finish novel while I was gone. (I actually hope to be back on Friday when they have finished the novel. I will not reread the section...that's ok.)

h.  Did I slow them down a bit? I did. I shall be back to torment them soon.

i. Seniors are mostly self-reliant. For AP Lang, I was able to read their first annotated bib entry and comment on it, and then (hopefully), they brought in a printed full bibliography for peer editing today.

j. Most will have it done, but several will need to go print.

k. Thank goodness it was an annotated bibliography--a very easy assignment.  I am linking my annotated bib assignment here--it has gotten A LOT of views.

i.  I like/love my job and kind of miss it, but not really.  I am where I need to be.

j.  Sometimes you might screw up your lesson plans. (no one died)

k. Once you might forget to post something on Google Classroom. (forgive yourself)

l. One of the few times I've cried in the last two days was when I forgot to put something on Google Classroom. (I probably just needed a cry.)

m.  Getting an email from a freshmen that says, "English class is not the same" also made me want to cry.

n.  I did cry because a student I know so well suddenly transferred while I was here and I didn't give her a proper goodbye.

o. I actually have some other pretty big things to cry about right now.

p.  It is OK to believe your freshmen are behaving for the subs.

q. It is OK to send three versions of the lesson plans for Tuesday to the secretary.

r. It is OK to be nervous about going back to work even after 30 years.

s. My biggest supporter for my teaching efforts is my husband. I will miss talking his ear off about the minutia of the day during the long daily commute home.

t. I have bigger things to worry about (him being able to walk again) than if they sign up in time for the AP test although I still want them, too.

u.  It's OK to be gone. 

v. Things are not falling apart without me.

w. There is no time to respond to papers in the hospital--you'd think there would be hours and hours.

x. When I do get time to grade their work, I do updates about Guy on facebook instead.

y. I feel the NEED to grade, but I really don't want to.  

z.  I am stronger than I thought I was.

I ate most of  a half gallon of ice cream last night. 

THE MEASURE: Would AP English Students Look at Their Strings?

Confession: I would throw my unopened box into 

a large body of water. 

I am currently teaching The Measure by Nikki Erlick to both AP Lit and AP Lang. We received the books free from the community college connected to our dual-enrollment classes.  The novels are part of a great One Book, One Campus program, and DMACC gives copies to all instructors of DMACC English classes in the state. 

I'm no fool--it's very hard to get our school to buy full class sets of novels or nonfiction texts for 3-4 sections. So I snag these every year. This year's book, The Measure, is impressively current: published in 2022, it was likely written during the pandemic and absolutely has a "before and after" situation at its core. If you want a copy from the library, you'll still be on a waiting list (at least in DSM). It's definitely got that "book club " kind of appeal with an interesting premise and a variety of relationships to explore.

This is not a spoiler: Erlick's book opens with an explanation of how everyone in the world (22 and over) magically receives an unbreakable box with an unalterable  string inside it--all on the same night . The inscription says, "Inside is the measure of your life." Well, we quickly find out that the length of your string indicates WHEN  you will die (eventually the mathematicians can get it down to the exact month). From there, the text goes on to explore the experiences of 8 different "main" characters responding to their string's length (the knowledge of their approaching death).

I am using it with AP Lit, and they are reading the last 100 pages for next Wednesday. They have embraced it pretty well.  Some feared that after an opening two pages that disclose this phenomenon of the boxes ubiquitously and almost simultaneously appearing on everyone's doormat or outside their tent in the desert or in front of a homeless person's space, that it would be hard to top that reveal in the following 350 pages.  Like Kafkas' The Metamorphosis, it kind of seems to start with the climax. But most of the AP Lit kids stuck with it, and they've had great full-class discussions, small group discussions, and written responses--just ultimately pretty strong buy in. (Spoiler alert: the book includes profanity--lots of the "f" word. Two girls jumped ship early due to the profanity, and I'm guessing  their  disapproval of a central lesbian relationship. Boo! )

Now I have also started it with my AP Lang seniors, and we discussed the first 50 pages today. The discussion went well, and  though they didn't completely pan the book, many had disparaging comments: it felt a bit YA, a bit repetitive, and had far too many POVs (8 eventually). Because of all this, though they all appreciated the fantastic initial situation and the questions it provokes, most were not loving the novel.  I was surprised. 

We still had a good discussion, starting with, "Would you open your box?" (About half would and half wouldn't).  Interesting issues come up as everyone in the novel tries to solve the mystery of where the boxes came from and who could and how could anyone (or anything) KNOW this information for every human. The book gets a bit political: I think it definitely leans to the left though the kids agreed it is not an agenda text. 

The most interesting part to me is the quick prejudice that spreads concerning short stringers--though they initially evoke pity, eventually, after two public shootings by short stringers, they become a "dangerous" sector of society and ALL kinds of precautions, restrictions, and discrimination are well established by 6 months after the strings' arrival.

Along with prejudice, the book deals with everything from the intimately personal experience of death, and the privilege that comes with the mystery of our mortality, to the insidious political gain by a long stringer. 

Just as I'm allowing two kids in AP Lit read another novel, I'm letting two students in AP Lang read Take My Hand (also a DMACC free book from a prior year) instead of finishing The Measure. 

I'm giving a presentation on teaching this novel at the upcoming ICTE conference. (Here's hoping someone comes!) While I originally thought I would be shouting its praises as a classroom text and its impact on students, I think I will have to take a more nuanced approach.

What I think is that if you haven't read the book, it's worth the 350 page commitment!  And it's worth considering several of the philosophical questions naturally connected to Erlick's premise.

Again, I so would not open my box. For the most part, I hate mysteries and a lack of control, but my death? Like most people, I'll just continue to wait and occasionally wonder (grateful for my ignorance). 

YEAH: We get to go hear Erlick speak in November at the campus! 

_____________________________________________________________________

PERK: I have created materials--discussion questions, a quiz, and instructions for a final formal reader-response essay! You can message me here and I will send them to you! 

My first guest blogger: A Dog Lover and ELA Wizard...Lauren Stephens

Hi! I asked the English instructors at our school if they would write a guest entry for Trace the ELA Teacher, and I got two takers! This first piece was written by a gifted and hard-working educator, Lauren Stephens. Lauren is active in our ICTE organization, so I knew of her before she started teaching at our school, masterfully engaging the 8th graders. :) (Many of my freshmen students have credited their love for reading to Mrs. Stephens.) I really like the piece she wrote (see below). It is timely, as it acknowledges the melancholy that goes with the loss of summer's freedom and excitement about the coming year. She writes, "I am wondering...can I hold onto this sense of peace?" I hope you also enjoy's Lauren's interesting and soft reflections on this unique time of year. 

***********************************

Lauren's thoughts on the losses and gains that come with the new year approaching!

I've been sitting in my classroom for a few hours now, slowly piecing it back together in preparation for the new year. While I am always sad to see the summer go, this is one part of the school year I honestly relish. The summer months root me. I give my full attention over to the parts of my life that are usually rushed through during the school year. I read what I wanted to read for hours on the deck. I took the longest route walking my dog each morning.  I learned how to install bead board and what kinds of birdseed would attract goldfinches to my yard. It was bliss. The window of quiet helps me see my work as a teacher through a lens that I struggle to hold onto once October rolls around. 

I'm left wondering...can I hold onto this sense of peace? Do I possess the ability to filter through the noise of initiatives, emails, and the dreaded sense of comparison that comes once contract hours begin? I'm really not sure, but I know creating a list of what I hope to root my practice in as a teacher will be helpful in prompting regular reflection. 

1. I read The Stuff You Have to Know Stuff by Kelly Gallagher in June and it absolutely hit the mark for me in working toward a solution for challenges many of my students will have with lack of background knowledge. I plan to have students read a short nonfiction article most weeks and practice growing in the nonfiction reading standards throughout the year instead of designating that growth to a particular unit. 

2. If I want my students to develop an identity as writers, I have to model my own recursive process in front in of them. I don't really follow the "writing process" in a strict sense of the word. It's a helpful format to refer to, but my brain doesn't often work in a lock-step format. I jump back and forth between steps. That's ok, and it's good for our students to see the organic way ideas develop. This provides permission for branching out of the linear format into a route that feels more natural for their own voice and agency. Basically, if I am going to ask my students to write something, I will be writing that same piece alongside them and sharing my own process as we go.

3.  In a similar way, I have to model my life as a reader for my students. I have preferences. I ditch books if they don't grab me in the first fifty pages. I read some books quickly, and I slog through others. Carving out time in our week to discuss what we are reading, get recommendations, and notice the writing techniques we are trying out in the books we are reading is invaluable when it is prioritized. 

4. This final hope for my school year is the one I know I will struggle with the most. I have always struggled to share much of my personal self at work, especially with my students. This likely comes from spending my early years teaching seniors who were only a few years younger than me. I drew hard boundary lines to set myself up for successful classroom management, and it worked. It worked so well that students I had taught for three years were floored when they noticed the engagement ring on my finger. "You had a boyfriend this whole time??" the senior girls screamed when they noticed mid-lesson. I've struggled to loosen these boundaries over the years enough so students can actually know me. Age isn't really a factor anymore, and I'm much more confident managing a classroom than I was at twenty-two. I know I'll build stronger connections if I do and be a happier person throughout the school year. I'm still a little fuzzy on how I'll make it happen though.

One more sweet and slow week ahead of me before the pace picks up. For now, I'm feeling grateful for the dog snoozing peacefully next to me and the place to think and reflect meaningfully. 

****************************

LAUREN'S info: I’ve taught for ten years, with five of those being at the high school level and five at the middle school level. I currently teach eighth graders at an Iowa middle school. I’ve taught everything from mythology to yearbook, but most of my time is spent in the general English Language Arts classroom. One thing that has surprised me most about students is their willingness to go over and above what I could have imagined for them when given choice and trust. 

Thanks for considering Lauren's reflections and strategies. Have a great year, Lauren! I hope all of you have a super school start as well. 

I'd love a couple relective GUEST BLOGGERS! Can't we all be writers, too? Suggestions below.

I know some of you HAVE to love to write!!!  What is going through your midsummer mind about teaching English, working with AP, personal reading, professional reading, writing that novel, philosophy of teaching English? If you are writing a novel or book, I'd love to hear about it! If you hate that you can't stop thinking about school, why do you do that? Write about it!  Use YOUR voice, etc. Just maybe 300-700 words--a rant, a reflection, some wisdom?

On some posts I get 2,000 views (16,000 in all so far) and on others (like my last one) about 60! But that doesn't really matter. It's that we're offering ideas and some people are looking and hopefully getting something out of it. Most of the articles in the last few English Journal publications were written most by professors and assistant professors about teaching hs/ms English. How about our own voices?

SUGGESTIONS....

1. Maybe you feel everything has been taught or written about before but "freshness is still possible." How do you keep something FRESH--what are new twists on any idea you'd like to share?  

2.  Some teachers choose to teach the SAME curriculum the SAME way every year. Of course, this is a time saver--and if it's awesome why change it? How do you feel about stability or mixing things up?  Those in a controlled curriculum, is there anyway to make it personal?

3.  One of the writers mentioned that we "write around loneliness, guilt, shame, failure, and disloyalty"-we do it to better avoid them instead of staring them in the face. Be bold! Can we give our authentic experiences and interests a structure and meaning  through controlling the narrative a bit?  Connect this to anything education and write.

4.  Write about whatever you want!! I will read it, give you feedback, and discuss if you want to be part of a guest blog posting! 

Who will see your writing? I put all my blogs on English teacher facebook sites: shout out to AP Lang and Comp, AP Lit and Comp, New Teachers of AP Lit and Comp. Teachers of High School English and High School English and Literature Teachers and one cool site from the UK! I am usually the only one with new posts on the one for those across the pond. They don't censor me. And  on stats, I get some hits from UK--if you are reading this, HELLO from Iowa in the Midwestern US! 

When students and I meet up in about four weeks, I feel I'll have some fresher fodder again for my blog posts. My summer is more about nurturing myself as both reader and writier and gardener and person who doesn't grade/work). So I write about movies like GENIUS (which was great), or books I'm reading or books I'm not finishing!  Thanks to those who have peeked at those! 

PLEASE ---contact me if you'd like to share sone writing with me! Philosophical is great but so is humorous and experience-based! Write on! (Sorry)

I promise not to share ANYTHING before getting back to you for final permission. I have been a peer editor for EJ, and if you should submit there I'll let you know how I got my writings in.

BUYING BOOKS, STARTING BOOKS and then...abandon ship!

Some people buy books and but then don't read them--you've probably heard that those are two different hobbies. I do something many readers can't: I start a book, truly invest, and then don't finish it. (NOT a humble brag) 

Are there any texts you started and then abandoned? I say never feel guilty for buying a book, spending precious time reading, or even not getting to the last page. My wise college buddy Robin threw BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY across the room. That's fair.  Phd. candidate Petra says, "Sometimes I can't finish books because I love them. Like maybe 5 pages left...It's like a cryo chamber for the characters I love so much." 

Books I've started...

MOBY DICK:  One summer I started a challenge with my friends to read it! I got 1/3 through it--the Pequod sailors had just sighted the big white whale. Who would stop THERE? I taught snippets of it from an American  Lit anthology for years at my first job in the eighties: I know who Queequeg, Tashtego, and Ishmael are, and I and how it ends--but not because I finished it with my friends. (Hats off to Donisue who did!) I did buy a cool t-shirt of Moby facing off with Ahab. In my defense, I went back to school, BUT I will finish it someday! My copy is large print--ha!

DON QUIXOTE: My brother's favorite book...I'm 60 pages in--his insanity made me uncomfortable, but I would've gotten past that--Don Quixote's, not my brother's. Sadly, I probably won't finish it. Thoughts?

WAR AND PEACE: It's entertaining and I've gotten 120 pages in this summer (that's 1/10 of the book!), but I stopped because I started reading PARABLE OF THE SOWER--which I finished!  I will finish WAR AND PEACE.

But now (because I watched GENIUS) I kind of want to start LOOK HOMEWARD, ANGEL. 

"There's got to be a word for people like me who start so many books," I told my husband.  

"English teacher?" he said. 

However,my guess is that would NOT be true for many of you. I do not regret reading a single page of any of those books! (It took me so many tries to read CRIME AND PUNISHMENT and BROTHERS K, but I did it!)   

I'm also about half-way through I CHEERFULLY REFUSE, and was listening to DEMON COPPERHEAD and then it got so sad. (My friend Doug IS going to finish it!) I just started WHITE TIGER! I'm listening to THE WEDDING PEOPLE (playful summer book). I promise I HAVE finished many books. I read almost every day. (Humble brag)

Please share what you are reading? 

Also, my friend Kelly needs a suggestion for a book club title? 

Doug later informed me that he did finish DEMON COPPERHEAD: "I’m glad I was able to focus long enough to do so. I thought it was amazing. I think I always finish because I’m stubborn!" He's a librarian though--special, beautiful breed.

GENIUS: A Compelling Literary Film About Thomas Wolfe (2016)

This last week, I randomly saw Genius advertised on my Facebook page a few times, was impressed by the cast, could tell it was a period piece, and from the title, assumed it was a thinker. 

So I suggested my friend Robin have friends over to watch it on her big screen in the basement. Weirdly, everyone agreed, also knowing nothing about the film. We all loved it. I won't spoil the plot. Below is a quick explanation of the who and what without giving much away.

Genius is a 2016 "four star" film looking at the lives of Thomas Wolfe (Jude Law) and his editor at Scribner, Max Perkins, (Colin Firth) during the publication of Wolfe's first and second books. I didn't know that Hemingway and Fitzgerald were also both "jumping the pond" in search of a publisher, both also landing at Scribner. (They each have cameos in the film.)  

Admitting this next part makes me sad, but while I could come up with several novels I've read of Hemingway's and Fitzgerald's (not an unusual feat for a sixty-year-old English teacher), at first I couldn't even come up with the title of Wolfe's most famous text. (I had for sure of course heard of Look Homeward, Angel, but sadly knew nothing about it.)  If you have read it, please respond and tell me what you thought of it!

Wolfe is portrayed in the film as a WILD CARD and Max as incredibly patient, brilliant and almost fatherly. The other main characters are Laura Linney (Max's wife) and Nicole Kidman (Mrs. Bernstein, Wolfe's lover and initial muse). Style-wise, I wouldn't call the movie slow, but it takes its time in that "quoting a page of literature on occasion" kind of way.  It was somehow riveting and definitely worth it if you like a literary film that you don't have to give a rat's ass about a class of seventeen year olds enjoying. This I recommend just for you. 

I am heading to the Franklin Library tomorrow to snag their copy of Look Homeward, Angel--it looks like its over 500 pages, and I certainly won't be  finishing this summer. I just plan to hang at the PLDM and read it for an hour, but right now I've got two novels and several nonfiction books going. But should I read it someday?  Like my friend Robin says, "You've got to love Southern writers." She's got a point. 

Anyway, watch the film! It's on various networks right now.--we watched it on Tubi. I told my friends, "I don't know who I'd recommend this to other than you guys." But I'm definitely recommending it to you! Genius is a compelling film filled with literary brain candy. You're the target audience. If you like this movie, we can be friends.

Retreat! Retreat to a monastery! (A non-Catholic girl's visit to the monks)

I'm not Catholic. I was brought up with a brand of Calvinism in what was called the Reformed Church. My small hometown had six different reformed churches, a Lutheran church in the country, and a Catholic church fifteen miles away. Northwest Iowa is verrrry Protestant, super conservative, and not a great fit for me anymore. (I live in our state's capital!)

However, I just got back from a two-day retreat to a monastery: New Melleray Abbey. I thought abbeys housed nuns as in, "Maria's not an asset to the abbey." However, this one is home to thirteen Trappist monks.

Monks are amazing--their lives are partly structured by the five services in the beautiful church where they line up in pews that face each other, filing in with the bells. I only went to three during the two days I was there, and now I'm wishing I'd gone to more. My friend Teresa (another English teacher) actually is Catholic and went to many of the services. Again, I should have. They were very heavy on the psalms and all were beautiful and peaceful. The upper windows were open and the birds were loud enough to almost drown out the voices at times. It was pretty magical--maybe the wrong word.

A retreat at New Melleray is a wonderful escape from everything else (I went last summer as well). It's spiritual and quiet (you are to practice silence inside the guest house and church--and you're to avoid using technology).  I took many, many books, and read and read and wrote and wrote.

If you look at my picture below you will see that several of the texts were reflective nonfiction: CS Lewis on the psalms and Thomas Merton on contemplation. I really enjoyed what I read in  the lil' book on Stoicism. I loved the writing book I took along: The Story Within, and even did some of the exercises (I had plenty of time). I got about 1/3 of Octavia Butler's Parable of the Sower read--it's wonderful. It was a little dark for the monastery but undoubtedly has religious themes.  

Anyway, if you can get yourself away for a spiritual retreat, or someplace quiet where you're absolutely alone a lot and required to not think about work or cleaning your house, I recommend it. I've done several read-a-thons at home, but I have to admit an experience like this is much more immersive and impactful.

I'm not trying to save anyone's soul with this entry! I hope even more so that I have not offended anyone Catholic. There were a couple of Kansas City nuns visiting there as well who assured me it was acceptable that I walked to the railing and received the blessing from a monk. I bought spiritual oil and soaps made with a little holy water for my friends and kids. And the nearby nunnery sells some remarkable caramels in the gift shop as well. 

Here's what I'm going to say: you probably deserve an escape, a reflective retreat, some time alone away from the news, and lots of time to read and write. Spiritually, for me, this was a good fit. But anywhere you can find respite for 48 hours or so--think about going there.  

These are some of the books I brought--WAR AND PEACE (not pictured)  was 

only used to elevate my fan (no air conditioning).

A cool quote on writing from Laura Oliver's 

The Story Within: New Insights and Inspiration for Writers. 

If you read this to the end, thank you!  It was a little self indulgent--as was my retreat.

(Also excuse my messy hair in the photo--obviously, I cheated and used technology a little here and there.)